Betrayed

Whats it like to finally find out that you have been backstabbed by someone whom u have treated as a sister, a confidante, whom u tot that u could trust?

Not once, not twice but countless of times??

Its like having a blunt knife plunged into ur heart and the knife is twisted and turned while its in. Tt's how it feels.

I've always thought that i'm able to judge a person's character fairly accurately.

Apparently NOT!!

Looking back there were signs tt i shld have paid attention to.

Many ppl were also trying to hint me n caution me about putting too much trust in her.

Guess i was too naive and wanted to believe the best in her.

She has proved me wrong and all the other ppl correct.

She is not wat she seems.

I've finally seen her for wat she is truly.

I'm feeling terribly upset and disappointed but i am not going to shed another tear for this betrayed friendship.

Not gonna waste any more time n energy on her.

I'm gonna learn from this very painful lesson and chalk this up to a lesson learnt.

This is the price that i've gotta pay to learn not to trust ppl so easily.

Found ..

Someone found my staff pass and passed it to the Lost and Found counter at the Student Services Center ..

Is this a sign??

Is it trying to tell me that things are turning better??

Is it telling me to stick ard a little bit longer??

See yourself as others see you...

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You feel unhappy because you feel that you are not able to obtain the co-operation of those around you. All you would like at this time would be to achieve harmony within your circle.

You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).

Some peace and quiet please!!

Sometimes its not that i dun wanna stay at home ..

But i've got a splitting headache and its like a fish market sometimes ..

And mom will find every opportunity to nag at me ..

I have concluded that only 張家的女人 will scold and nag and bring in all other stuffs not related to the present quarrel. And they will only have this problem with the eldest child. Namely ME!! Apparently its the same situation with my 大姨 and 二姨 ..

Second taste of Sake!!

I had my second taste of Sake last night. Went for dinner with some colleagues and my 2 bosses at this Japanese restaurant at Crown Center along Bukit Timah Road. According to D. San, this restaurant is an authentic jap restaurant. We even got to sit in the VIP room where we had to remove our foot wear and there's this depression in the center on the table for us to put our legs. Okay .. I'm not good at describing .. Its jus wat u usually c on TV in those Jap dramas. Back to the topic, the food was great and the sashimi very very fresh, we didn't eat much though, cos we were busy chatting and drinking beer and sake. The Sake that D. San ordered was sweet and fruity unlike my first time trying the sake which was a gift from my dad's friend from Japan. Well, D. San thought us the correct way of drinking Sake and the different grades of Sake. U r suppose to take a small sip of sake n hold it in ur mouth for a short time before swallowing it. Very much like drinking wine. At the end of the evening, i was damn high, 5 of us finished a 720 ml bottle of Sake with 15% alcoholic content. and 2 of them were drivers so they couldn't drink much ..

Can't wait to get my hands on them ..

My Steve Madden Forgiven Knee High Black Boots have arrived!!

But it's in Sydney ..

Gotta have to wait till June when my aunt gets back before i can get them ..

According to Wendy, they're very nice ..

Cant wait to get my hands on them ..

I noe if i wear them in Sunny Singapore ppl will stare ..

But .. Who cares .. As long as i'm happy .. Haha ..

I'll definitely be wearing them when i'm in Sydney in August ..

Lost..

.. I lost my staff pass somewhere along the way from Valley Block to Can A ..

Is this a sign???

Is it trying to tell me something??

Iced Teh Cino

Had a late dinner/early supper at the prata place at Casuarina. The moment i stepped in the uncle saw me and asked me "Iced Teh Cino? Sweet?" And he'll come with 2 cup, One with more milk specially for me. I'm such a regular customer there that one uncle in particular rmbs tt i like my iced teh cino sweet. Cos sometimes they dun put enough milk in and it tastes bland. Actually i havent been there for ages until there was this particular sunday aftn last sept when i went to choose the studio photos with wendy and then we went down there for lunch. Tt was when i tried their Iced Teh Cino and fell in love with it. Previously, i used to frequent the prata place opp thomson plaza. But their Iced Teh Cino gradually lost std until it tasted like iced water. So far no complaints for the Casuarina's Iced Teh Cino. If one day tt one also lost std then i've gotta find another place to satisfy this sweet tooth of mine ... But think tt day wun be too soon ..

I've Forgotten ...

Forgotten how to be happy ... I miss the MeiQian who used to laugh so carefreely. I miss the happy-go-lucky MeiQian with a smile on her face. I want to go back to 1.5 yrs ago. Before i graduated. Before i started working.

Weekend off to a bad start

I've had a pretty bad day today. Woke up this morning to find that my mom threw away my Define contact lenses cos she couldn't find hers and thot that that box of CLs was hers. Y did she throw it away?? Cos she thot that fungi have grown on the lens!!?!! Its the design on the lens to make my pupils look bigger duh!! And she said that she didn't know ... I've been putting my lenses in the cabinet at a corner since dunno when and suddenly she decides to throw away my lenses and then she comes and blames me that its my fault and i should have labelled the box. Wah piang. My lens box and hers totally different lor. Totally different brand lor. Focus and Acuvue cannot differentiate and it becomes my fault. WTH!! To make things worse, she decided to bring in all those other stuffs not related to this into the quarrel. In the car!! and .. even worse, we were caught in a freaking jam the moment we turned onto TPE!!! WTH!! Somehow the topic of me not talking to my sis came up and it became my fault again. Hello!! How to talk to someone when everything that you say she treats it as if are picking a quarrel?? How to tok to someone when she already feels that you are an unfeeling bitch?? WT BLOODY H!! Everything that goes wrong at home becomes my fault. Could my day get any worse than this?? Yes it could!!! Read on..

At work, attended the usual friday presentation then straight away went down to lab .. Not to do do testing or simulations wor.. But to be odd job labourers!! Have to move the stuffs out of the lab so that they could do the flooring over the weekend. After lunch, I was happily doing my work when a call came in to ask me to help to get quotations for some barriers which I've already sourced for some the previous day but was waiting for them to get back to me. Told them gotta wait for them to get back they say cannot wor, try to find somemore suppliers. Okie .. nvm that's part of being lab in charge job. Near 5pm, my supplier called me to go down to collect some stuffs, collected, came back and someone saw the thing. First thing that came out. So lan!! You wan cheap you wan good. You go and find yourself lah!! ~!@#$%^&*() To top things off, i've spent my friday night alone at home with a splitting headache. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I'm fed up. I'm freaking pissed off.

Step Up 2 the Streets and Sky of Love

Took leave yesterday to meet up for lunch and to catch 2 movies with Mei and Christy - Step Up 2 the Streets and Sky of Love. No regrets watching either show. I prefer Sky of Love although the ending wasn't very rosy. But it's so hard to see a guy and a gal so devoted to each other in real life and in this year and age. I wonder if there will be any guy who would really do anything for his gf in real life as Hiro did for Mika.

Sky of Love (Japanese)

Love forces two carefree youngsters to grow up in a hurry in this bittersweet coming-of-age romance from first-time feature director Natsuki Imai. Mika (Yui Aragaki) is a pretty but shy teenage girl who loses her cell phone and finds it a few days later, only to begin receiving calls from a secret admirer. Mika and the mystery boy finally meet a few weeks later, and when she sets eyes on handsome and mysterious Hiro (Haruma Miura), she's immediately smitten. The two quickly become a couple, but after Mika gives Hiro her virginity, his former flame Saeki (Asami Usada) decides to ruin her reputation at school, spreading lies about her past with other boys, and persuades three delinquents to sexually assault Mika. Hiro stands by Mika and displays a new willingness to show how he cares for her, but the young lovers face a new challenge when Mika discovers she's pregnant. Hiro is happy to marry Mika and raise a family, but their parents believe the teens are too young to deal with the responsibilities they now face, and their love is tested as they confront an uncertain future. Koizora (aka Sky of Love) was adapted from a popular novel for young people by Mika, which was originally distributed by a cell-phone network in Japan, reaching more than 11 million readers, and later went on to sell 1.5 million copies in paperback.

Step Up 2 the Streets

Step Up 2 the Streets is the sequel to 2006's Step Up. It's the story of 16-year-old street dancer Andie West (Briana Evigan). After her mother died, she was taken in by her mother's best friend, Sarah (Sonja Sohn). Since West often skips school and spends too much time as member of the notorious dance crew 410, Sarah wants her to go live with her aunt in Texas.
However, her friend and older brother figure, Tyler Gage (Channing Tatum) convinces Sarah to give her another chance: she can audition for the Maryland School of the Arts. Though the director of the school is hesitant to accept Andie, she is still accepted. Due to her school commitments she misses many 410 rehearsals, and they throw her out. She assembles a new crew of classmates that includes Chase Collins (Robert Hoffman), the school's best dancer; they practice clandestinely in the school after school hours, to compete against the 410 in Baltimore's underground dance battle, The Streets.
After a humiliating prank from MSA, the 410 crew attacks Chase and vandalizes the school, after which Blake Collins (Will Kemp), the director of the school and Chase's big brother, throws out West and forbids the school's students to participate in any competitions like The Streets. They go to the building where the event takes place anyway, but the 410 do not let them compete, and the crowd agrees. Since MSA believes the streets is more than just for dancing, they go in the streets, where the dancing really started, and perform in the pouring rain. Blake, who is observing, is impressed enough to allow West to return to the school, and integrate the dance style into the school program.

Photo Blog

* Warning * - Photo heavy post!!
As promised, here are the pictures taken at the airshow, Clarice n Richard's bday celebration and my company's DnD.

Airshow 2008

Clarice and Richard's Bday Celebration - Dinner buffet at Sakura and Drinks at ButterFactory


















Dinner n Dance '08 at M Hotel

Colorgenics 2

My second attempt at Colourgenics .. Very accurate ..

You seem to be trying to sweep aside the situations (and maybe the people) that you feel are standing in your way. You are impulsive and apt to follow these impulses seeking to be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way you hope to deaden the intensity of your conflicts, but your impulsive behaviour is leading you to take some unnecessary risks. Back down a little and remember 'more haste - less speed'.

You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.

You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a 'trier' and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, 'bounce back'.

DEMORALISED!!

I'm feeling very demoralised .. Dun feel like blogging bout the DnD or the airshow or the bday celebration for clarice n richard 2 sat again. Will blog bout it in the next post.. I realise tt i have lots of photos to post up .. but i'm really not in the mood to do them now. I really dunno wats going on anymore .. .. .. .. .. .. Where r u when i need u??!!

Singapore Airshow 2008

I'll be stationed at the A*STAR booth at the Singapore Airshow 2008 tmr and on Sat. Tmr's trade day and Sat is open to the public. Looking forward to seeing the aerial displays and hopefully get one of the tix to board the A380. Heard that there are only 7 very lucky ppl who can board every hour. I wanna be one of them .. Will be back with pics (hopefully) ..

There's loads of stuffs that i wanna put down but i cant seem to get my brain to process all the various thoughts coherently. Guess i'll jus have to keep it till the next post ..

Happy Lunar New Year

Happy Lunar New Year!! I'm always late in posting. Haha. Today's already the 初十 and i'm just wishing everyone happy new year. I used to look forward to CNY when i was younger but as the years go by, i have been dreading this festive. One reason is the spring cleaning that has to be done before CNY. I have never been a great fan of doing housework and always try to get out of it whenever possible. But whenever CNY is ard the corner, my mom would always be nagging at me to clean up my room, wash the fans, clean the windows .. Without fail.

This year is the year of the Rat. My year liao. WOW. I've gone thru 2 whole cycles of the zodiac calender. So far, the yr of the Rat hasn't been too good. Although we r only 10 days in. Haha. I mean not to good for me financally. Have been losing money when i gamble. Sianz. That means i cannot play mahjong as often le. My cousin was also telling me last night tt he has got 3 friends who have got 烂桃花 ever since the start of the lunar new year. Praying very very very hard that mine is not one. But the feng shui master that my dad brought me to the other day seems to think that i'll have obstacles in my love life .. So what does this means??? Arghh .. Somethings jus 聽了就算了吧. If not my life would be damn hard to live. Haha.

Got 5 more days to go before 元宵節 which is also the Chinese's Valentines day and also the last day of the Lunar New Year Celebrations. Well, St, Valentines Day on the 14th has come and gone, and i spent it with some new found friends at the 2 day induction course that i had to take. The A*STAR core values have been engraved into my brain after 2 whole days of lectures and games revolving ard them. Was super tired after the course ended. Haven been running ard like that since the FOC camp in 2004. That was like 3.5 yrs ago. Gotta start admitting that age is slowly creeping up on me.

Hurt beyond words

I noe i said tt i dun wanna blog bout unhappy stuffs but i cant keep this in anymore. I feel so unappreciated. His words this morning really hurt me alot. In his eyes i'm useless. I only noe how to spend money. Dunno how to help out at home. Really useless. 他的一句 "她沒有用的!" 就否定了我所做的一切. I feel so hurt .. This hurt tt i'm feeling now is indescribable. To him the younger ones are always better than me.

I'm already 23 .. 24 my coming bday .. 25 if u r going by the lunar calender. Its not tt i'm staying out late everyday. I only stay out late some wkends. Y mus u pick on me?? Y mus u have double standards?? Y mus u say such hurtful words?? U may not have said it to my face but hearing u say tt still hurts big time. If staying out late makes me useless than i'ld rather not come home at all. Dun have to quarrel with u. Dun have to hear those hurtful words. Dun have to cry silent tears.

SICK!!

Yes!! My title says it all.. I'm SICK!! Sick of everything's tt has been happening to me n ard me .. Physically sck too .. I've been sick since fri night and i still insisted on staying out late on sat. Ended up with high fever on Sun. Spent the whole of Sun alone at home self medicating, while doing my report n trying to catch some slp .. N lets not forget feeling sorry for myself .. For the past wk, i've been having some personal troubles and also work related matters have also added into my problems .. Cant seem to solve something before someting else happens .. I've been asking myself this qns the past wk .. "Have i made the right decision??" "If i decide not to follow this path now would i regret it in future??" .. I'm freaking tired now .. my whole body is aching .. even my head is aching too .. This post is not makin sense .. Think the fever has fried up my brain .. Got MC tmr .. But think still have to go back office to clear up some stuffs .. Now i'm beginning to finally understand y he still insists on going back to work even though he's sick .. But have i understood it too late?? NVM .. Pls ignore me today .. N maybe tmr n the day after tmr ... Make tt forever ..

My parents are still the best!!

Its times like these that reminds me tt i'm still my parents daughter and they love me .. It jus makes me appreciate them more .. Thx Daddy n Mummy!! I HEART u guys!!

Been thru a rollercoaster of emotions today .. Let today end faster please ..

I'm starving .. Haven had dinner yet .. Last time i ate was at 12 noon ... ... ... Can someone pls feed me??

Happy 2008!!

Its a brand new year and its time for brand new beginnings. I dun believe in making resolutions cos i always end up breaking them .. Haha .. Brought in the new year at Crazy Elephant at Clark Quay. We were shouting most of the time cos the amplifier was jus above us .. So it was freaking noisy .. Almost impossible to talk. Things started moving after we finished the first bottle of Jim Bean and started on the second bottle .. After last night i realised that my alcohol tolerance limit has taken a nose dive since the last time i went partying .. Was damn high when i was only at my 3rd glass .. after my 4th glass i was seeing double and was guzzling ice water .. Got no one to send me home .. So cannot get drunk .. Haha .. Anyway this is the first time tt i puked after drinking .. It was a very nasty experience .. Think it was the combi of the drinks and the hour long bus ride home ..